He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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