Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
