All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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