i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
