i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
