Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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