Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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