I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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