I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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