I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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