sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
