bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
