Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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