But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
