Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
