we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
