She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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