dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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