I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
