sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
God, I missed his penis.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
