My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
