I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you will always have a special place in my vag
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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