I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
