i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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