It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
