I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
