FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
