if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
