brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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