my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
