she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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