Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
