We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
