I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
