So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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