I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
