just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
