I wanna bring you to show and tell
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
