peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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