Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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