I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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