Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
