Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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