in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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