1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
