i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
