I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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