Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
