i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
