she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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