Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
