Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
