evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
