the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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