hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
