So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
