Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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