I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
