apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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