I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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