The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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