Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
