im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
