I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
