I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
