I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize