i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
