I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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