you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
