god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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