Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
