My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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