i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
