you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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