We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
