im about as happy as oj after his trial
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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